to quit smoking!
A few days ago, while playing, my 2 year old daughter picked up a candy stick and held it to her mouth. Playing at smoking. I have never felt so guilty.
I mean we make an effort not to smoke near her, but recently, we'd go outside to smoke and be followed. I'd unconsciously light up while walking outside. Looking back there are a variety of times she has seen me and her father, and her grandparents, smoking.
Now, it's every parents nightmare for a child to think smoking is a cool thing to do. Yes, as adults we know it is really bad for us. But kids don't understand that. They want to be like Mummy and Daddy, because they think we are the coolest (for the first few years of their lives at least). We smoke, they want to smoke too.
So after seeing my little girl role-playing me smoking. I've decided to do the best thing, and quit.
The problem is, I haven't told my family or in fact anyone other than those reading this blog. Reason being, they lecture.
Imagine the situation I'd be in. If I told my parents or father in law. All I would hear is... it's hard! I'd get regular teasing, saying I'll never do it, and offering me cigarettes. They all did it before when I tried. Ultimately leading me to wonder why I was bothering, and start again.
Or its the other way around. They start "over-supporting" and all I recieve is a torrent of "try this, try that, oh that won't work, try this one" and I end up trying to quit THEIR way which might not work for me.
As for my partner... well.. If i tell him, he'll want to quit to...
whats that? thats a good thing? Well yes it is... but its got to be his choice. He must decide for himself, not just quit because I am. It'd be hard on him because the willpower isn't there.
Anyway. I've taken some time to think about this, and I have decided on a stop date. I am Wiccan, and the wiccan new year is halloween or samhain. Its a time of change. Out with the old sort of time. Which seems like its going to be a powerful time to make this change. The universe should be with me on quitting. I sure hope...
Therefore... my quit date is 31ST OCTOBER 2008
Bedtime on halloween night will be my final cigarette. From that point my home and my life are smoke free.
I will make a point from now onwards for the next 10 days before I quit of cutting down on how many I smoke, and making sure all the ashtrays "break" so my partner has to go actually out of the porch to throw away his tabs.
So, it may seem like an odd thing, to attempt to quit on my own, but its easier for me. And at the end of the day. Quitting is about me, for me and of course... for my little girl.
